Jon Stolpe Stretched

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Ten Things Every Small Group Leader Should Know

Yesterday, I had the honor and privilege of sharing my thoughts to a group of small group leaders at our church.  I shared 5 of my ideas in an earlier post, but I thought you might enjoy hearing my complete list.  So here are my notes:

I’m excited about this opportunity to share.  If you don’t know me or if you haven’t figured it out, I’m extremely passionate about small groups.  I truly believe they can provide a path for connection to others and to God.  I also believe that small groups play an important role in accountability and discipleship.  In no way is this list the Bible of small group leaders. It’s just my thoughts based on my involvement with small groups in various capacities for nearly 20 years. I’ve participated in groups. I’ve led groups. I’ve led group leaders. And I even had the privilege of leading a team of coaches.  (I was also brought up in a home where small groups were important and modeled by my parents.)  As I share my ideas, I’d encourage you to take a few notes.  So here goes:

1.  Small group leaders are important.  They play a big part in helping people find community, find God, and find growth.  If you are a small group leader, you need to know that what you do matters.

2.  Small group leaders set the tone.  Whether or not you consider yourself a Biblical scholar, your group members look to you as an example.  For this reason, it’s important that small group leaders continue to model growth.  They should be in the Word.  They should develop disciplines that model growth.  Small group leaders aren’t perfect, but they must find others who will hold them accountable to setting the tone.

3.  Small groups are not about small group leaders.  Small groups aren’t meant to showcase your incredible “holiness” or biblical knowledge.  Small groups aren’t meant to show off how great you are as a leader.  Small groups are about the group – about pointing people to God.

3A.  Small groups aren’t just about the groups either. Get out there and serve with your group. Find a way once a month or once every other month to get out there and serve together. Adopt a place that your group can focus on. There are many area nursing homes, soup kitchens, food and clothing pantries, etc. that would love to have the support of your group. Getting your group involved in this type of service gets your group focused on others and allows your group to practically put into motion what following Christ is all about.

4.  Small group leaders aren’t supposed to live on an island.  Leaders must find ways to stay strong and spiritually fervent.  They must also have a support team to provide guidance when small group life gets tough – and it usually will. (I wrote about this on my blog over a year ago.)


5.  Small group leaders must be invitational.  Intimacy and transparency in groups can be great, but it shouldn’t be an excuse not to invite others into the group.  I’m a big proponent of the “open chair” policy in small groups.  If you’re a small group leader, set the tone.  Make sure there is always an open chair in your group for new group members and guests.  Talk about it with your group.  Don’t let it be optional.

6.  Small group leaders aren’t perfect.  I think I said this before.  Group leaders must be honest with themselves.  They must learn to ask for help.  Maybe you stink at the administrative stuff, or maybe you’re a terrible host.  Look to those around you.  Get others to use their gifts to help the group and to help you as a leader.  Not only does this make you and the group better, but it engages others into the group experience.  People want to be asked to help.  They are often just waiting for you to ask them to get involved.

7.  Being a small group leader isn’t always easy.  Let’s face it, nobody likes to deal with EGRs (Extra Grace Required people).  But it can also be challenging when people in your group are going through difficult life circumstances.  People in your groups will get sick, they’ll have messed up relationships, and they’ll make mistakes that carry significant consequences.  You may be required to get involved with the mess.  Embrace it.  God may have placed you in leadership for such a time as this.

8.  Seek advice and wisdom from trusted advisers.  Your pastor, group life pastor and others who have been doing small group ministry for a while can be helpful.  They will know how to react.  They will know when to bring in assistance.  (I have also found a lot of great small group leader advice and resources on-line. Mention blogs – Because Relationships Matter by Kathy Guy, Heather Zempel, Life & Theology by Ben Reed, Mark Howell Live by Mark Howell, Simple Small Groups by Bill Search, Small Group by Ryan Knight, Small Group Pastors by the Central Christian Church in Las Vegas, The Naked Truth About Small Group Ministry by Randall Neighbor, and Will Johnston – of NCC.)

9.  Lean into the small group leader community.  Make it a priority to be here for each quarterly meeting.  Connect with each other outside this meeting.  Go to lunch or breakfast together.  When you see each other in and out of church, stop, ask, and share about your group.

9A.  Be patient. It may take time for your small group to grow. I remember starting our first group at our church. We met at our house. The Stolpes and the Callahans. This was it week after week after week. Then we added the Santangelos. Then the Bonanis started coming. Suddenly our small living room was filling up. We switched over to the Callahans. Before we knew it, we had to split up into three different rooms. The group had grown so much. I have seen this trend again and again. Don’t give up! It may take a little while for your group to catch on. Remember that God is there when two or more gather in His name.

10.  Be passionate!  My list started with a reminder that what you do as a small group leader matters.  Realize this fact.  Think about it.  Believe it. Act like it!  You have a great honor and privilege to lead others in their journey towards Christ.  This is awesome stuff!  Be excited about what you are doing.  Spread the excitement to others!

That’s my top 10 (or 12) things that small group leaders should know. I’d love to hear your ideas and questions. Before that, I’d like to leave you with this. Thank you! Thank you for stepping up to serve. Thank you for getting out of your comfort zone. Thank you for leading. Thank you for leading when it’s fun and when it’s not. Thank you for making a difference. Thank you for caring enough to help others connect to others and to God.

So these were my notes.  I would add another point based on some of the discussion that followed our meeting.  We’ll call it number 7A:  You may need to be flexible.  Sometimes life happens, and you need to throw out your plans for the meeting to address concerns that need immediate attention.

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

What would you add to the list?  How have you seen these points in your small group experience?


October 24, 2011 - Posted by | experiences, small groups


  1. John, I had a list of things that I am looking for in a church over on my blog yesterday. One of the things I am looking for that I didn’t mention is small groups.

    Comment by LarryTheDeuce | October 24, 2011 | Reply

    • Cool! I’m obviously believer in the significance of small groups. Keep me posted on your journey/search.

      Comment by jonstolpe | October 25, 2011 | Reply

  2. Great post. As a pastor of an inner-city church made up primarily of young, immature, de-churched men and women, I need all the help I can get! Last night, I almost had to break up a fist fight in the small group I lead after church.

    Comment by Pastor Matt | October 24, 2011 | Reply

    • Maybe another one is “Don’t let small group turn into Fight Club”. lol

      Comment by Keri | October 24, 2011 | Reply

      • Conflict in a groups setting isn’t surprising, but cage fighting is pretty unusual. Perhaps, this group has reached a whole new level of transparency and intimacy. Matt, you’re obviously in the right place – serving God.

        Comment by jonstolpe | October 25, 2011 | Reply

  3. Great advice for small group leaders.

    Thanks for the shout-out.

    Comment by ramblinknight | October 24, 2011 | Reply

    • Thanks and you’re welcome. I haven’t forgotten about your site – I’ve just been swamped with life. I’d like to get something over to you in the next couple of weeks.

      Comment by jonstolpe | October 25, 2011 | Reply

  4. I think I added this to the post last time…but, how about “listen to your small group members”. Leaders don’t have all the answers, nor should they. We’re all part of the body of Christ. I think the leaders should be seen more as facilitators.

    Comment by Keri | October 24, 2011 | Reply

    • I think there’s a lot of wisdom in your statement – “listen to your small group members.” Sometimes it takes discernment to determine how to react to group members. This kind of goes with my statement that groups are not about group leaders – they’re about the people in the groups.

      Comment by jonstolpe | October 25, 2011 | Reply

  5. These are some great points. I have lead many small groups and I have always tried to make it a fun experience.

    Comment by Dan Black on Leadership | October 24, 2011 | Reply

    • Fun! How could I have missed this?

      Comment by jonstolpe | October 25, 2011 | Reply

  6. […] So as we started this October, things had been moving along pretty well.  We had started to hit a “normal” stride.  There was nothing to say that was going to change.  But I still carried some memories of last year.  As October has revealed itself each day, I have been relieved and renewed to see God’s faithfulness.  We’ve had a lot of things to be thankful for this month like:  a family trip to the Apple Farm/Pumpkin Patch, spectating at several of Hannah’s cross-country meets, enjoying food and friends at our 1st ever Chilifest, having the opportunity to serve at the Norristown Community House and Cradles to Crayons, and having the opportunity to share at a Group Leader Meeting. […]

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  8. Good post. Another suggestion: if you have a small group of a particular age group (youth, young adults, middle age, seniors), have your group meet occasionally with a group from another age group, even do something to serve another age group. The generational interaction makes us aware we are not the only age with needs, feelings, etc. about the church. It opens us up.

    Comment by Warren Baldwin | November 2, 2011 | Reply

    • Excellent suggestion, Warren! Welcome to the Stretched Community!

      I think inter-generational can be very important in bringing youth and energy to older groups and wisdom and experience to younger groups. Thanks so much for sharing!

      Comment by jonstolpe | November 2, 2011 | Reply

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