Jon Stolpe Stretched

What's S-t-r-e-t-c-h-i-n-g me now?

Breakout B – Removing and Restoring Leaders

Okay this looks like a “positive” subject. Rex Minor is the presenter:

– Resources when approaching this subject: Boundaries, Face to Face; Emotional Intelligence; The Peace Maker; Silos, Politics and Turf Wars; Unleashing the Power of Rubber Bands.

– There are many reasons for removing leaders: poor fit, incompatibility of vision, sin/moral failure, break of confidentiality, divisive behaviour, theological differences, health (mental/physical) issues, improper relationship with group members, lack of dedication.

– What is the one thing God wants from us in these passages (John 17:20-23, Phil. 2:1-4, 1 John 2:1-9)? UNITY! We want to be unified to God and to each other.

– One of the greatest enemies of unity is unresolved conflict – people don’t know how to get along.

Confrontation – (latin) “to turn your face towards” Confrontation works best when it serves love.

– We have to have the right mindset first. Restoration must be our goal, not just removal. Realize that we are commanded to do this as a lover of God’s kingdom (Hebrews 10:24, 25, Proverbs 27:17). Spur – (greek Paracosmos) – “to come alongside and sharpen, stimulate, encourage, provoke others”

– Self Deception – There is a gap between who we are and who we think we are.

– Am I more loving this year than last year?

– We are all to be change agents for each other (I Thessalonians 5:11).

– Realize we are inviting another to come into the light so we all can live in peace, grace, and freedom (I John 1:5-7).

Ezekial 3:18,19

– Humility, humility, humility! We need a tone of grace, not a tone of the law.

– When we approach a leader with a concern, there tends to be two types of responses: driven by fear, driven by curiosity. Fear is the enemy of love – perfect love casts of fear.

– “We change when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing.”

Proverbs 28:13

– Leanne has been a change agent in my life – see no TV for a month challenge. This was ultimately a positive experience.

– In order to be good at leading anyone, you cannot give away what you do not posess.

– When we approach a leader we should confront (Matthew 18:15-17):
– Step 1: Engage in dialogue along with the person (vs. 15). Prepare your heart. Ask God to show you your heart in the matter before you dialogue. Pray diligently before the conversation. Be present and be aware of your presence – your body language, tone of voice, inflexion. Be gracious. Use kind words – practice them. Use notes if necessary. Be clear and specific about the offense. Stay on task – avoid deflection. Use I statements – I feel >>>> when you <<<<. Listen well. Listen very well. You may not have the answer. You may be wrong. Avoid oughts and shoulds. Explain how their behavior impacts the group. Do it face to face – not over e-mail (or other electronic means). Be willing to be uncomfortable. Proverbs 20:5. Be a person of understanding today. Be aware that you may have to admit fault. Go ahead and do it – admit you’re wrong. Give up your right to right. Matthew 7:5.
– Step 2: Go with 1 or 2 witnesses (vs. 16). Only 1 or 2, not 3 or 4 or more.
– Step 3: Tell it to the church (vs. 17). Church leadership not church. Plead with them to change.
– Step 4: Removal. We need to help them realize the seriousness of their sin. We need to make sure they don’t destroy community. We want to equip and protect the community. If you do Steps 1-3 properly, then Step 4 won’t happen that often.

– We should be doing this with each other all the time. God’s expects this kind of interaction all the time.

Ordering Your Private World and A Resilient Life – book recommendations by Gordon MacDonald.

– It’s best to restore leaders in stages. Make sure they are mentored along the way. Get counseling. Look for teachable moments. Move towards the leader and not away from them. Don’t let them move into the darkness. Have a point person to help them navigate through the restoration process. When you’ve restored them, have a party to celebrate – like the Prodigal Son.

Stay tuned for more…

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October 17, 2008 - Posted by | small groups

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